1-to-1 Mentoring Blog

2010-09-15T08:31:00.000-07:00

Around 5:00pm on a Monday it is very easy to catch mentors and mentees coming in and out of the main mentoring room. As people are walking in and out I see the familiar face of one mentor that I haven’t yet had the opportunity to meet. I introduce myself and ask the question that is so curious to me of each mentor: “How did you become involved with this program?” Everyone’s story is certainly unique and always intriguing.

Mark came in contact with the Mentoring Program three different times. The idea of being a mentor was interesting, but that’s all it was to Mark: an idea. Mark’s wife helped to move him along toward actually getting involved. Her involvement in the Puppet Ministry at the Rock Church was her opportunity to serve in our community. Mark’s opportunity would be Mentoring.

The Mentoring Program had already been presented to Mark twice, and the third time, he applied to get involved. Once Mark received news of the program successfully finding a mentee to match Mark with, conflict arose. The parent of the mentee no longer wanted their child participating and requested they no longer participate in the program. Mark felt the heavy weight of rejection, feeling as if he personally wasn’t good enough to be a mentor for this child.

Presented with an easy way to drop the program, Mark decided not to concentrate on his own feelings of rejection, but to focus on what he could give to someone else. Casting aside his pride, and going through the matching process again could potentially end in the same way as the first. Willing to expose himself to rejection, Mark saw the journey worth the risk. “It would have been easy to quit right there. I had a really good excuse, but I stayed with it, and I’m glad I did.”

Mark was matched with "Ben" shortly thereafter and has been serving as a Mentor for the past two years now, spending time with his mentee every week. While Mark has a deep desire to see his mentee grow in faith in maturity, he knows that oftentimes what Ben needs the most is a male role model with whom he can play catch and share his artwork, and Mark makes himself available to serve his mentee at his point of need.

Mark is one example of the shared attitude mentors express towards their mentees. Sharing the love of Jesus Christ is evident through the compassion, service, and sacrifice mentors demonstrate to the young people with whom they are sharing life.

2010-07-12T14:57:00.000-07:00

I was talking to Tony on Tuesday and in our conversation we began to talk about his mentee Evan. Their time together usually starts with a reading from a book that Tony chose. The book was talking about the idea of putting other things in your life before God. Evan didn’t respond right away when Tony asked him what things have greater priority in his life than God. For a minute there was silence as Evan thought about the question. Never being asked this question before, Evan didn’t know what to say.

It is a unique connection that mentors and mentee share with one another that influences the way each other acts and feels. As Evan sat there repeating the question in his head, it’s easy to see Tony’s influence. If Tony wasn’t an influence, Evan wouldn’t have cared about the question, or even bother answering. But because a bond of trust has been built between them, a true loving relationship can be formed.

It wasn’t too long ago when Evan told Tony that he wanted to quit swearing. He noticed the language was getting him in trouble and wanted to stop. I thought this to be incredible for a 5th grader to realize. At Evan’s age fitting in with the crowd means everything to a kid, but wanting to rise above the influence takes courage. Tony talked to him more about kicking the habit and what Evan could do to help.

Hearing the triumphs of people’s lives is similar to watching a good movie. Wanting to see the main character rise above their conflict and conquer their fear. Well occasionally I’m able to catch glimpses of these moments in the mentoring program when I talk to mentors about the significant growth their mentee has experienced.

2010-06-16T11:59:00.000-07:00

On Mondays I like to walk to the Mentoring office and see which kids are hanging out, waiting for their mentors to come. After talking and joking around with them, I’ll check the mentoring bulletin board to catch any events or trips coming up. The final mentor fellowship potluck is coming up this Friday at the program director’s house. A potluck sounds like a great way to bring people together to talk, exchange stories, and share life together.

The potluck, called "3rd Friday," occurs once a month as a way to bring mentors together to pray for one another and relate to the struggles and success of being a mentor. Program staff want mentors to know they are appreciated and cared for by organizing events like this. Providing mentoring activity ideas, an annual banquet and closets full of games and supplies are just some of the other ways the program takes care of its mentors.

What I find the most interesting is everyone sharing a meal together. If you look at the life of Jesus, He ate with people all the time. He called Zacchaeus out of a tree and dined with him that night. Jesus ate with Matthew, the tax collector, and before he died He shared a meal with his 12 closest followers. I think the importance of sharing meals comes from inviting someone into your home. How many times have you thought, “ I have to clean up this mess before people come over!” It requires a bit of vulnerability to allow people to come to your home and share a meal.

As the mentors gather at Dan’s house to share food, they’ll also share so much more. Mentors will share their concerns in the program, and in their individual lives. Just as letting people come and eat in your home requires vulnerability, so does sharing your thoughts and feelings. Through fellowship with other believers, we can be encouraged, lifted up, and strengthened.

2010-06-10T12:55:00.000-07:00

Sara Washington has served as a mentor for 8 months. Recently, we asked if she would share about her experience as a Mentor.

“You got to remember to stay away from the windows in this neighborhood”….

These were the first words my mentee spoke as she fastened her seatbelt. She was referring to the neighborhood shootings commonplace to many Chicago neighborhoods. What a stark difference from the farm town where I grew up. As she closed the passenger side door I hit the door lock button one more time partly as reflex and partly to dismantle the concern I had regarding her statement. I glanced through the frosty side view mirror and then we were off on our first outing during Christmas break.

My first year in Chicago was a difficult one. I had a great job which I was satisfied with but finding godly friends and a place of worship where I could feel at home started to feel nearly impossible. I began to feel disillusioned and lost in my new city. As the unsettled feeling of disappointment grew I decided it was time to do something about it. Perhaps if I got involved in something I was passionate about I’d meet other like-minded people and perhaps even make some new friends. Mentoring has always been something close to my heart. As a teenager I was the beneficiary of a group mentoring program for minority students sponsored by the Urban League of Pittsburgh. Although it provided a source of encouragement for students who were often financially disadvantaged and overlooked, it lacked a personal one-on-one touch. I was fortunate enough to do very well in school but I saw plenty of intelligent fellow students who simply fell through the cracks. They became distracted with the reality of life which was spinning all around them. I always thought that some of these students would have had a better chance to succeed if they were paired with a personal mentor who remained with them as they progressed through school. Although the group mentoring program I participated in was a noble cause, it wasn’t exactly an effective one. You can understand my joy when I heard about the One-to-One mentoring initiative through Circle Urban Ministries. I have been paired with my mentee for nearly 8 months now and it has been a very rewarding experience. I have learned to see life through my mentee’s eyes and in those eyes I’ve witnessed a resiliency and strength that is much to be admired. I have also learned how important it is to be a living testimony for this new generation of youth. She is that new hope for the future generation and through mentoring I am a catalyst. It is my prayer and my hope that my one-hour/week will serve as a seed that will enable her to grow and mature into the adult God wants her to be.

2010-06-02T12:26:00.000-07:00

Summer is finally here. For some it could not have come fast enough. With summer, comes a break from school, sleeping in, camps, and graduations. One mentoring pair had to say goodbye to each other this year because the mentor was graduating from Wheaton College and moving out of the area. After spending the past two school years building an encouraging relationship through playing basketball, reading the Bible, finishing homework, and baking, the road of life this match was sharing came to a fork.

I was able to talk to the mentee’s mother (who is also a mentor) and she told me that their whole family had become fond of her son’s mentor. Able to know each other more through the Mentoring program, the family and the mentor became close. Giving the mentor a graduation gift, and reminding him to call when he got a chance, this family and the mentor made their goodbyes. Judging by the closeness that this pair shares, they will continue to be in touch.

The beauty of 1-to-1 Mentoring is that it possesses the unique ability to foster relationships and watch as they grow. As Mentors and mentees meet every week, over time, the growth of each pair is shared with the staff, volunteers, and families. Life is shared and experienced together as mentors/mentees play games, bake cookies, complete puzzles, fly kites, and teach each other.

As graduating from Wheaton and moving towards the next step in his career draws an end to being a mentor, the time he has spent with his mentee will have a lasting impact in both of their lives.

-- Posted by Intern Extraordinaire , Eric Hawley

2010-04-29T11:37:00.000-07:00

Mentors are given the opportunity to engage in the life of a young person. Their activities can be very different each time the pair meets together, but the interaction is the same. Mentors are provided with an idea-sheet of places to travel with their mentee during school breaks. Two cabinets are full of games and puzzle to indulge the playful spirit while they meet on-site. These games aren’t what make the mentoring program so great though.

Recently one mentor traveled to Grant Park, in the city, to fly kites with his mentee. The two had a great time as his wife watched them run around. As all kite flying adventures go, the day ended with the wind tangling the kite in a tree. The adventure concluded, and memories were formed. At the end of the day, the mentee wasn’t upset about the kite, but excited just to have a chance to fly one. The day wasn’t about the kite; it was about the mentoring friendship. Flying the kite was simply a vessel by which the mentor shared an experience and provided encouragement to his mentee.

The annual Mentor & Mentee Appreciation Dinner occurred recently, serving over 150 people. The meal, decorations, awards, and raffle prizes were a real treat. There was no entry fee, simply a gift from the mentoring program to its participants. Mentors left work early and called in their family to join in this celebration. Food did not bring everyone together, a real, lasting relationship did. The relationship built between mentees and mentors is real and powerful.

The mentoring program is changing lives but not with games or fancy field trips. It is changing lives with ordinary people performing extraordinary acts of love.

-- Posted by Eric Hawley of Concordia University

2010-04-06T13:44:00.000-07:00

5th Annual Mentor & Mentee Appreciation Dinner

Last week, we hosted our annual event which publicly recognizes each of our mentors and mentees for their involvement in Mentoring. This year, our Mentor & Mentee Appreciation Dinner celebrated the program milestone of having 50 young people matched with volunteer mentors.

Needless to say, our attendance at this year's Dinner was higher than ever! The event provided an opportunity for mentors' and mentees' families to interact over a shared meal, and afterward, each of our 51 mentoring matches were recognized via video segments and presentation of certificates.

Regarding the evening, one mentor commented, "I thought this level of recognition and encouragement was above and beyond. Thank you so much!"

Check our some photos from the evening below, and you can see them all at our facebook page:

2010-04-06T10:40:00.000-07:00

Searching

Have you ever intensely searched? Have you ever really searched for something of true and valuable meaning knowing that when you finally discover it, you will reach a level of fulfillment? Meet Ruby, a mentor who has been searching for a couple years trying to find a program that she and her husband could be involved together. They were looking for a program with specific goals: faith based, efficient, desired results, and long-term. They had been introduced to other mentoring organizations, but nothing that they felt would bring real impact and change.

Dan met Ruby at one of his church visits trying to find interested adults who want to make a difference by sharing their lives with young people from the community. Ruby and her husband had finally found what they had been searching for. They had talked with Dan about the program and were excited to understand it is rooted in God. After going through the mentor screening and training process, they were ready.

It’s been 4 months since Ruby started working with her mentee. As we were talking she started explaining the uncanny similarities between the two of them. Ruby relates with her mentee’s behavior so well. They’re both talkative, outgoing, believe in God, and the list continued as she happily told me the characteristics they shared. Ruby relates to her mentee through similar experiences through life. As the conversation can range from boys, to homework, Ruby lets her know she’s not alone. Her career as a Job Coach has found its way into their conversations. Ruby lets her mentee know that she is in charge of her life: “Dreams can be achieved if you’re willing to work for them.”

Ruby had a passion and desire to search for a mentoring opportunity because she understood the power of influence in kid’s lives. Ruby is not the only one. Many of our mentors were searching for the same opportunity. The opportunity to enter into the life of another human being and create a difference, the opportunity to be vulnerable and share good and hard times together, the opportunity to share the message of hope through the gospel, and finally the opportunity to share real love.

Ruby’s search led her here to be a mentor. The search for intentional, lasting commitment, rooted in the Lord.

What is it that you are searching for?

-- Post by Eric Hawley, Circle Urban intern

2010-03-21T14:59:00.000-07:00

Eric's Blog Post for the week of March 15-19

As mentioned in our last post, we are featuring the work of guest blogger, Eric Hawley, from Concordia University.

Here's his post from last week:

I would like to say that being able to witness the mentors’ and mentees’ interaction with each other is beautiful. I get the rare opportunity to see the connections between kids and adults grow. The stories that I hear of YEARS of commitment from some of these mentors is astounding. These kid’s lives are truly being changed.

I have to apologize to everyone for not updating you on last week’s mentoring session. I was in Texas on my spring break. To dispel any rumors about Texas, people do not go everywhere on horse back; they own cars. Now I’m back, and I’ve got great news to report about an upcoming mentoring event.

This past Monday was different than any other because Dan was interviewing mentors and mentees for a VIDEO he’s putting together. On Tuesday March 30th, the mentoring program will be hosting a Mentor & Mentee Appreciation Dinner here at Circle Urban for all the mentors and their matches. During the dinner, Dan is going to show this video showing what all the mentors and mentees had to say. What a great way to further encourage people in the understanding that they are not alone.

Being a mentor can be difficult and enjoyable all at the same time. Knowing that there are other mentors going through the same experience as you is comforting. One can be easily discouraged because a conversation isn’t going the way they had planned. But when mentors talk to one another about these frustrations, they then have the opportunity to build one another up. Knowing you are not alone is encouraging.

When watching the video clips, I’m sure we could submit the whole thing to Bill Cosby’s “Kids Say the Darndest Things.” In those humorous moments is where the beauty of these relationships lies. The kids are being vulnerable by sharing their stories with the camera about their mentors. These kids are truly being impacted by their mentors because adults are sharing their lives with kids, and ultimately telling them “you are not alone.”

Everyone was asked the same questions, and I bet there will be similar answers. Not because anybody had a script telling them the “right” answers, but because many people are being effected in the same way, mentors and mentees alike. These adults give an hour of their week (sometimes more) to show their mentee he/she is valuable. Some of these mentors know one another; some do not, but all the mentors have a common thread running between them: love for their mentee.

The video will be showing at the dinner on the 30th, and who knows, maybe Mr. Cosby will be free that night.

2010-03-11T10:05:00.000-08:00

The One to One Mentoring Initiative reached another milestone this school year. In addition to our 5-year program anniversary in October 2009, we matched our 50th mentoring pair on Wednesday, March 10, 2010. While that is an exciting number to reach, the best part about the program is to know that there are mentors and mentees from the first few years of the program who are still matched today. The quality of the mentoring matches that exist far outweighs the quantity any day. We hope that match #50 will last for years to come as well.

We continue to be thrilled and excited to be a part of what God is doing in the Mentoring Program and through Circle Urban Ministries. He is faithful in bringing committed, Christian adults to bless the children on our waiting list, with over 20 new mentors applying to the program this school year and most of them matched with a child already. With the least amount of staff coordinating the most amount of matches in the history of the program, God also continues to do a lot with a little. Week in and week out, we see the sustaining power of our heavenly Father provide for us in ways that only He is able to work out. The circumstances He's brought us through, large and small, frequently remind us that it is not by our strength or ability, but by God's graciousness that this program continues to function.

Please continue to pray with us for God to raise up men and women that are walking with him to be matched with the children still on our waiting list.

2010-03-05T16:09:00.000-08:00

Eric Hawley is a student at Concordia University who's interning here at Circle. He recently spent a busy Monday afternoon and evening taking time to walk around the facility and observe some of what was happening in Mentoring and College Readiness. Here's what he had to say:

At 4’6”, dunking a basketball isn’t very likely. Two elementary-age boys I observed in Circle’s gym didn’t care about the likelihood; they just wanted to get up there to hang on the rim. Ricky and Eric started stacking gym mats in order to jump higher. After jumping off the 3 foot stack of padded mats, the idea of hanging on the rim was forgotten amidst the fun of knocking the stack over. Eric would pretend like he was stuck under the scattered mats and Ricky would attempt to “help” by sitting on the pile, only adding to the fun. While the two boys are enjoying good, clean fun, their mentors, Adam and Jake, are with them.

As volunteers mentors, Adam and Jake really care about these boys. It’s easy to tell by the way each interacts with his mentee but more importantly by Adam and Jake’s commitment to their mentees. Both mentors attend Wheaton college which makes this weekly trek to volunteer an hour and half roundtrip. They’ve been connected to our mentoring program for a year and half now. Ricky and Eric don’t know how far away Wheaton is, or how busy being in college can be; they just understand Adam and Jake truly care for them. That’s what they need in their lives; that’s what we all need in our lives, to know we are loved. Ricky and Eric are loved by their mentors, but more importantly, they are loved by God.

As I walk the halls of Circle Urban Ministries I see a lot of activity. Kids in the afterschool program, staff members working, and mentors hanging out with their mentees. It’s easy to find a mentor and mentee hanging out, but the smell of baking brownies drew me to the kitchen. In the kitchen I met Cindy, a woman from First Presbyterian Church in River Forest, and her mentee, Lakendra. Cindy’s been matched with Lakendra for about a year, and she’s been introducing Lakendra to one of her passions, baking. Lakendra hasn’t had an opportunity to bake at home. How wonderful it is that Cindy can introduce Lakendra to a whole new experience. While they wait for the brownies to bake, they continue work on a puzzle Cindy brought from home. Conversations about school and home take place as the edge pieces are sorted out. Lakendra was shy as I tried to talk to her, but to Cindy she’s much more open.

Cindy’s commitment to Lakendra is clearly evident. Cindy wants to give the best to Lakendra because she genuinely cares about her. Mondays are a special time; Lakendra is able to experience something she can’t anywhere else: Cindy and baking. I was invited to come back and snack on the brownies when they were ready. I was definitely coming back.

The day continues and so does the food. A potluck dinner is scheduled for the College Readiness program. This program is designed to provide kids with exposure opportunities and leadership development that will help them to be equipped for college with a promising vision for their futures. This is so important because in this community, most kids don’t go to college. Many kids aren’t even encouraged to THINK about college.

At the potluck I met Nichole and her daughter Shakeea, Byron and his son Bill, and Jamar with his grandma and mom. The meeting is about what College Readiness will be doing in the near future, and where they’re at currently.

Dan, the program coordinator, informed everyone that the students’ school teachers would be cooperating with the program to help keep kids accountable to completing homework and excellent school behavior. Rewards for good grades and behavior will equal College Readiness Bucks ($). Kids could then spend this reward money on items in the store Dan set up. Items to include: pencils, folders, gift cards, mp3 players and more.

All the parents really wanted to be there to help their kids. Dan covered more ways College Readiness is going to help, as parents soaked in all the information they could. It’s easy to see the love the parents have for their kids. Even if the kids don’t yet really understand why it’s important, the parents want their kids to be successful. This program will help kids prepare for college, but also gives parent and child something to work on together.

Mentoring, After school, College Readiness, Work, and more are all going on here at Circle Urban Ministries. Lives are being changed, not by us, but through us by faith in action.

2010-02-23T15:47:00.001-08:00

I (Dan) received an email from one of our mentors today. He's been matched with his mentee for the past 14 months or so. I was really encouraged by this volunteer's willingness to be a part of his mentee's life, and to allow God to use that time however He chooses. I thought I'd share an excerpt from this note below:

God has taught me much. One thing I've learned is that, when it comes to youth, don't try to make them like you. Most young people, especially guys like [my mentee], just want to be active, playing sports and having some fun.

I've laid aside for now, trying to have deep conversations with [my mentee], about life, school, family or spiritual matters. I figure the time will come for that. For now, he just wants me to throw him the football across the gym. For now, that's good enough for me, too. I love [my mentee], and I realize that he doesn't have a father, or a big brother. If I can meet his need for "play" then he won't need to seek it in the gangs or big boys who are a bad influence on him.

At Circle over the past five years, I have been blessed and humbled to get to know the incredible folks God has called here as mentors. Each of them has made the simple, yet profound commitment to share his/her life and faith with a young person growing up on the West Side. Each of them is being used by God (whether they realize it or not) to impact the direction of a young person's life.